The Morning After
by The Clockwork Monk
Summary: The morning after Zuko's bachelor party, a very hungover Gaang must retrace their steps before their antics from the previous night sparks another war.
1. Prologue

**Prologue: The Chase**

Sokka needed to get his mind under control and think clearly. Never in all his time during the war or the four years since had he been this terrified, but fear wasn't going to help him or Toph get out of this.

"How far behind are they, Toph?"

Toph put her hand to the stone floor of the small house in the tiny mountain village in the remote south-eastern corner of the Earth Kingdom where Sokka had _thought_ they could hide until their pursuers gave up. Apparently he had underestimated the evil that now hunted them.

"They're less than a half mile away now, and from their movements, they still have our trail," Toph whispered in a shaky voice. Apparently she was even more scared than he was.

Sokka opened up the curtains a bit and looked across the mountain river to an abandoned fishing shack.

"Okay, Toph, we're gonna cross the river. The water will cover our trail."

"You idiot, I can't swim!" she said with her I-can't-believe-you're-actually-that-stupid face, "Has it been that long since the Serpent's Pass? And remember, _Suki_ isn't here to save me this time." She said the last while pointing an accusing finger at him.

"How many times do I have to tell you, I was literally a half second away from diving in! Just climb on my back and hold on tight. I'll sprint to the water and cross the river." He squatted down with his back to her. "As soon as you feel that no one is around, climb on and we'll make a break for it. We don't want any villagers seeing us and telling _them_ which way we went."

"Okay….NOW!" She shouted as she jumped on his back and wrapped her armed around his neck.

Sokka kicked open the door and ran at a full sprint to the waterline. Once again, he was grateful that Toph had barely grown an inch since they day he met her. A part of him suspected that she somehow did it on purpose to stay closer to the earth. As his feet hit the water and Toph heard the splash, he felt her tense up in fear. He grabbed her arms around his neck and squeezed them in reassurance as he dove head first into the water. It was difficult to keep both his and Toph's heads above the surface, but he had learned to swim in the deadly waters of his home, and barely spent a day dry once they had come to the warm waters of the fire nation, so this slightly chilly river was no match for him. As he got to the opposite shore, Toph finally started breathing again, even though she had access to air on the way over.

"Quick," Sokka said putting her down and taking her hand, "into that fishing shack!"

"But it's _wood_!" Toph shrieked, "I won't be able to see them if they're coming up on us!"

Sokka put both hands on her shoulders, "Toph, if we can't escape them now….I don't think we're going to. I think this might be the end of the line." He saw Toph swallow hard and led them into the shack.

They knelt down facing each other next to a wall and Toph embraced him in a trembling hug, "Sokka…What if they find us here?"

Sokka ran a hand down her back, most of which was now covered by her jet black, matted hair. His face made a small smile. Toph always did hate haircuts almost as much as footbaths. "Then we'll go down fighting, Toph. Like old times. Just you and me, never giving up, never surrendering."

"Sokka, if we don't make it out of this…I need to tell you something."

"What is it?"

"I just want you to know that I….I've always—"

She was interrupted by the wall they were kneeling next to exploding inwards and them getting knocked across the room. Sokka brought his arm back to throw his boomerang, but within a split second, a long spiked tongue dashed forward and slashed across his neck. He felt his whole body go numb as he slumped to the floor. A second whiplash and Toph fell limply across Sokka's stomach. Since he couldn't move his head, Sokka couldn't look up to greet the dark-haired, darkly-dressed, tattooed woman that he knew was sitting atop the shirshu that just stung him.

"Hey Jun, how ya been?" He asked in a defeated voice.

She climbed off of Nayla and sauntered over to them so that he could see the self-satisfied smirk on her face. "Been better, to be honest. Business has been slow. Or at least it was, until I got this job of tracking you down. So thank you."

"Glad we could be of some help," Toph grunted sarcastically. Her voice was muffled since her face was smushed against the wooden floor.

And, sure enough, her two employers landed and walked over to their prey with scowls on their faces

"How can you two be so _selfish_!?" Katara almost screamed at them in her "strict mother" tone of voice, "Zuko is our _friend._ How can you not want to be there for him?"

"But I _haaaaate_ weddings," he complained in a high-pitched whine, "and the fact that it's Zuko's just makes it worse, because every event in his life has to be accompanied by a five-hour-long ceremony!"

"Yeah," Toph chimed in, voice clear now since Aang had flipped her over, "I swear, the guy can't fart without a dozen fire sages there to bless the gas." Aang actually chuckled at this until a glare from his girlfriend made him shut up.

"This is what friends _do_, Sokka," Katara lectured with her hands on her hips, "Wouldn't you want Zuko to be there for _your_ wedding, assuming you could find a girl in the four nations stupid enough?"

"…Okay, that was below the belt, sis."

Katara knelt down next to him and stuck a finger in his face, "You run off again, and I _will_ be swinging below the belt. With a water whip."

She turned to Toph, grabbed her by the collar, and started dragging her back to Appa, "Come on, it's several days' flight to the Fire Nation Capital, and we still need to fix your hair and get you measured for your bridesmaid dress.

Toph's foggy eyes widened in horror, "NO! Katara, please, I'll do anything you want! I'll give you my entire inheritance! Think of all the dresses _you_ could buy! Oh, oh, I know, I'll stop calling Aang 'Twinkle-Toes!'…for a week! Sokka, help me!"

Getting some feeling back in his neck, Sokka turned to scowl at Aang, "You traitor."

"Seriously, Sokka? You're twenty years old. Grow. Up," Aang grunted as he hefted Sokka over his shoulder, "Look on the bright side, we've still got Zuko's gopher-stag party to look forward to.

"Oh yeah, a bachelor party with Angsty McEmopants and a freakin' _MONK_, watch out, Fire Nation, this is gonna be a wild night."

"Oh come on, you never now, just you watch, we're gonna have fun."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Sokka said with an unseen smirk as he started formulating his evil plan. He was going to have to be the one that made _sure_ they had fun.

* * *

**I promise I'll get to the actual story advertised in the summary very shortly. This was just a scene I had knocking around my head that went well with this premise I was thinking about, so I thought I would make it a prologue. The next chapter will start in the Fire Nation Capital. I'm setting the events post-Promise, but I'm going to twerk it a bit so that it's 4 years after Sozin's Comet instead of 1, and also I'm going to conveniently ignore Mai breaking up with Zuko in that comic (because come on, we all know she's coming back anyway :P)**


	2. Ch 1: The Avatar and the Firelord, pt 1

**Chapter 1: The Avatar and The Firelord**

**part 1**

Zuko was fairly certain that he was dying.

The time keeping candles that Teo's father had gifted to him said that he had only been listening to the Earth King and his delegates drone on for about two hours, but it felt closer to two years. He knew why this was necessary. The Fire Nation and the Earth Kingdom had recently come to the brink of another war over what was to be done about the Fire Nation colonies. Kuei had wanted all the borders restored to the way they were before Sozin's invasion, but Zuko recognized that some families had been in those colonies for three or more generations, and he couldn't just uproot these people. Luckily Aang had managed to intervene before things got bloody, but that still left the question about what to do with the colonies. And that meant that he had to politely listen to all of the Earth King's ideas about what to do going forward.

This, admittedly, wouldn't be a big deal, if the Earth King just knew what the hell he was talking about.

After the fall of Ba Sing Se, Kuei had apparently decided to travel the world to make up for the fact that he had been sheltered in the palace his whole life. But it was obvious to Zuko that spending 3 months as a poor man had not suddenly changed him into a wizened guru. Every time Kuei started talking about his self-proclaimed deep knowledge about how his people lived and thought and what they wanted, Zuko had to keep himself from pointing out that _he_ had seen far more of the Earth Kingdom than Kuei had. Even worse was his entourage of councilors and generals: Hu, Mi, Yu, Wi, and a whole bunch of other names that sounded like baby talk. Zuko guessed that Kuei didn't want another Long Feng by his side, so he wanted to be surrounded by people who were even more incompetent and idiotic than he was, which unfortunately was quite an accomplishment.

The candles on the edge of the room popped 7 times, indicating they had been there for three long hours. Zuko figured that, while it would be rude to cut the meeting short, it would probably be considered ruder if he had an impromptu Bar-B-Kuei. He was weighing the pros and cons of each when the door behind him opened. He turned around to see Mai standing in the doorway with a look in her eyes that spoke of barely restrained panic. The babbling stopped as Fire Nation and Earth Kingdom turned to look at her.

"Zuk—I mean, my lord, you must come immediately; there has been an incident at The Asylum."

_Azula_

Trying to stay calm, Zuko stood and bowed to his advisors and guests, "Gentlemen, excuse me, but this matter needs my attention." He walked briskly past Mai as she shut the door, feeling a mixture of fear, gratitude towards Azula, and guilt about said gratitude. Once they were through the door he turned to Mai.

"What happened? Azula—"

"Didn't do anything, you idiot," Mai said with a roll of her eyes. But Zuko saw the corner of her mouth raise a bit. Anyone else would have missed it, but to Zuko she might as well have been grinning ear to ear. "I just knew you wouldn't have the backbone to get out of there when enough was enough."

It was Zuko's turn to smile, "You can hardly blame me, though. That was quite the performance. You could take up a life at the Ember Island theater. I knew there was a reason I asked you to marry me."

And before he could respond, Mai had him pinned to one of the hallway's walls with an evil look in her eye, "Oh, _that's_ why you're marrying me? Can't think of anything else?" She brought her hand to the back of his head and kissed him, long, deep, and passionate, all while digging her nails into his scalp and pulling on his hair.

He grunted and pushed her back with a laugh, "You know there's got to be a way to kiss me without causing me physical pain."

Mai just raised an eyebrow, "Well yeah, there probably is, but why would I want to? Anyway, you really do have a reason to leave. Aang and the rest are waiting for you at the _hotel._" She said the last word very accusingly.

"Hey, you know why I can't let them stay in the palace. Last time they stayed here, Toph caused so many earthquakes people thought the volcano was erupting, Sokka nearly burned his face off trying to figure out how the heating system worked, and Aang 'liberated' all of the animals in the kitchens right before a diplomatic feast!"

"Well," she chuckled, "looks like you're in for a good time tonight, then."

As they finally got to their bedroom—well, officially, it was _Zuko's_ bedroom—her face became more serious, "_please_ try to have a good time. You're killing yourself. And you need your friends to keep you from doing stupid things, like almost starting another war."

He took her hand and forced himself to smile, "I promise, Mai. I guess it wouldn't be as bad if all my friends didn't act as children."

Mai suddenly became very uncomfortable, "Well, maybe that's not such a bad thing," she mumbled while looking away and…..was she _blushing_? Zuko could count on one hand the times he had seen her _blush._

"Maybe it can be good to learn how to deal with kids. You know…just to have the skill set?"

Why was she being so vague? Mai was the most direct, no-nonsense person he knew.

"Mai, what's this about?"

"You _idiot,_" She grabbed his collar and looked into his eyes. "_for future reference._"

Zuko's mouth went dry and his insides felt like they were being bloodbended.

"Mai….you don't mean—" He was interrupted by Mai tackle-hug-kissing him. He wasn't sure if there was a word for all that. He was too dazed to form a coherent sentence.

"Bu…wha…._HOW?"_

Mai gave him her I-can't-believe-you're-actually-that-stupid face, "What do you want, a play-by-play? You were kind of there, you should know how."

Now that his brain had started to function semi-normally again, Zuko just smiled a dopier smile than Mai ever thought he was capable of, "I've got to tell Aang. I've got to tell Katara, I've got to tell everyone!"

Mai shoved a hand over his mouth, "You really are an idiot aren't you?" she hissed, "We can't tell anyone yet! Katara knows already because I asked for her healing expertise, but you can't tell anyone else."

Zuko furrowed his brow, "Why the hell not?"

"Because we're not married yet. People are still questioning your leadership, now isn't the time to stain our honor."

Zuko groaned and rolled his eyes, "Mai, trust me on this, because I know it better than any person on the planet: _honor is overrated._"

"Please, for me?" She spoke the two words she _knew_ he would do anything for. It was his own "Lake Laogai."

Zuko sighed, "I promise."

She kissed him, "I don't hate you."

"I don't hate you, too."

"Now get out of here and be immature for once in your life."

* * *

**Yes, another short chapter, but I prefer lots of short chapters to a few long ones, both when writing and reading. And I know this one was kind of boring and full of exposition, but I've got several storylines that I want to run concurrently when shit goes down, so I'm taking the time to set them up. The jokes will get rolling fast in the next few chapters. The next update may not be for a few days, I really only have time to write on the weekends, and this is a really heavy semester for me (I'm a senior in college for Aerospace Engineering) but next weekend should be the latest.**


	3. Ch 1: The Avatar and the Firelord, pt 2

**Chapter 1: The Avatar and the Firelord**

**part 2**

Sokka was getting nervous. Since arriving in Capital City, Katara and Aang hadn't let him and Toph out of their sight, and if he didn't get a chance to put his plan into action soon, he was going to be stuck all night with Zuko and Aang being their usual dour and straight-laced selves, respectively. _Yue and La, you take one dive off the bison into the ocean and swim to the nearest island and Katara gets all paranoid._ He had to think of a way to get her out of the hotel room where they were staying.

"So, Katara, Mai should be having her own get-together tonight, right? You gonna leave for that sometime soon?"

"I'll head up to the palace once Zuko gets here. Ty Lee got in from Kyoshi Island this morning, so they need some alone time to catch up anyway."

Sokka had been lounging, almost completely horizontally, in an armchair, but suddenly he shot straight up, "Really?...Anyone else arrive from Kyoshi?"

Katara put on her face of motherly sympathy, "Sorry, Sokka, no, Suki hasn't come. I think I heard something about her having to stay to train a new class of warriors."

Sokka completely deflated, "Oh…"

Toph was sitting on the stone floor. This new hotel had a few rooms built out of stone to cater to visitors from the Earth Kingdom, even though it hadn't been made by earthbending. Instead the walls were made of individual stone blocks held together by mortar.

"Haven't you two broken up again by now?"

Katara put on her "scolding mother" face. Almost every face she had was some variation of a mother face, "_TOPH!_"

Sokka responded in a grumpy voice, "No, Toph, we're back together permanently this time. At least, I think we are. We didn't really have The Talk last time I saw her. But we'll work it out."

"That's what you say every time, and it always takes a global crisis to get you two back together. You meet in the war, you get together _instantly_. War ends, you start drifting apart. Then you get back together again when that loyalist uprising starts, then again when pirates start raiding the Earth Kingdom islands, then again most recently with the crisis with the Fire Nation colonies. Your relationship depends on people trying to kill you."

Sokka stood up and walked over to her in frustration, "Well aren't you just the life guru?"

"Sokka, knowing more than you hardly makes me a guru. You like what you do, don't you? Always moving around, getting into trouble, kicking butt?"

Sokka crossed his arms, "You should know, you're always kicking it there with me."

"Well Suki just wants to settle down on Kyoshi and stay put. And, bad news, Sokka, pretty much every girl you'll ever meet wants that, too. Not all girls are like me."

For a moment Sokka looked confused, "What do you mean—" then his eyes widened and he said with complete sincerity, without sarcasm, almost to himself, "Oh yeah, I forgot, you're a girl."

Sokka heard a loud _smack_ as both Aang and Katara's palms made contact with both their faces simultaneously. A second later Sokka felt the stone floor beneath him get soft and he found himself encased up to his neck in rock and earth. Toph stood up and walked into the nearest bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

"Hey Toph, what the hell? Come back here and let me—" He didn't get to finish because he sunk even further down so that his mouth was now covered. He continued to struggle and produced muffled yells.

Aang didn't turn around from the scroll he was reading, "I'm not going to dig you out because then you won't learn anything."

* * *

Zuko sat impatiently in his palanquin on the way to the hotel. He hated this thing. It was slow, boring, and he felt like an old man who couldn't walk by himself, rather than a warrior who had seen a good bit of all four nations. If he had been walking, he would be at the hotel already with his friends, the closest thing he had to a family.

_Family…_

Zuko had been repeating that word over and over in his head since he left the palace, like it was a sweet song of victory being blasted by trumpets in his brain. The Team _had_ been the closest thing he had ever had to a family, but now he saw that he was in for something completely different, something that no one in his life had ever given him before. The nine month long wait that he had before him seemed impossible. How could he be expected to wait that long for the best thing that had ever happened to him? Once the baby came, he was going to…

…_Huh…what am I going to do, exactly?_

Zuko suddenly realized that he was excited to be a father even though he had no idea what that entailed. He had compared his friends to a family, but he really had no experience to make that comparison. He had no idea how a normal family was supposed to work. His father was a deposed genocidal tyrant rotting away in a prison cell, a man that he had encouraged Aang to kill. His sister was a lifelong psychopath who was _still_ suffering the occasional hallucination in her cell in The Asylum, and who he _himself_ had tried to kill in an Agni Kai, and his mother was still nowhere to be found, despite the best investigators and trackers in the Fire Nation on the hunt for her. For all he knew, Ozai had had her killed.

The smile Zuko had been wearing the whole ride faded into a depressed frown. He tried to keep hold of the positive attitude, but the negativity just kept coming.

He supposed there were other people he could draw examples from. Uncle had clearly loved Lu Ten, but to be honest he had been too young when Lu Ten died to remember how healthy their relationship was. And he couldn't exactly draw from his friends' home lives. Mai and Ty Lee both resented their parents, Mai hated them for repressing her and having too strict of expectations, and Ty Lee for the opposite reason, for letting her blur in with her sisters and not giving her her own identity. "Team Avatar" was even worse. Toph _still _felt the need to rebel against her parents and hadn't forgiven them for hiding her from the world, and every visit to them usually ended with a fight about things like arranged marriages or her not acting in a way that reflected her status. Aang hadn't known his parents at all. Or at least, that's what Zuko assumed. Now that he thought about it he noticed that no one had actually bothered to ask him. Sokka was obviously close with his father, but from what Zuko could tell he was on perpetually thin ice with Katara (no pun intended). So he guessed if he copied Hakoda, he'll only have a 50/50 chance of his child hating him. Fantastic.

_Family..._The song the word made in his head became deeper and more ominous, like the beating of war drums.

_What the hell was I excited for? I'm not cut out for this!_

Now that he thought about it, he not only didn't know how families worked, he didn't know how _any_ kids worked. The most interaction with a small child he'd had was awkward greetings to Mai's little brother, and almost all of his teen years was either spent with middle-aged sailors on that accursed ship or even older advisors after he became Fire lord

He buried his hands in his face and ordered his carriers to move faster. Aang's voice came floating up from his memories, _we usually try to start our missions with a more upbeat attitude._ Zuko was fairly certain he would rather face several more dragons than the "mission" he was now taking on.

* * *

**Yeah, yeah, I know, I still haven't gotten to the premise described in the summary, but I promise the next chapter will be the last one before the actual "morning after"**

**Apologies to any Suki fans out there, but yeah, I'm intentionally writing her out of this story because she was always kind of a boring character in my opinion, mostly because she wasn't given enough screentime to really develop her own personality. She definitely wasn't one of the comedic characters, and comedy is what I'm going for. While she was involved in some of the funniest jokes on the show (rescuing Toph, the tent scene), she was more used as a Straight Man, and I prefer using Zuko and Katara as Straight Men anyway.**

**I promise once I get all this exposition out of the way the shenanigans will start and the jokes with it.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 1: The Avatar and the Fire Lord**

**part 3**

"I, Sokka, son of Hakoda of the Southern Water Tribe, extend the sincerest possible apology to the _lady_ Toph Beifong, who I without a doubt know to be a girl, the greatest earthbender in history, and someone who can kick my butt at fighting, scamming, spitting, and even pai sho…which, _seriously_ Toph, you need to tell me how you do that."

Toph put her foot on top of Sokka's head, "aaaaaaand?"

Sokka let out a long sigh, "and I am a pretty little ballerina who likes to wear frilly dresses and eat vegetables." That last part hurt him the most.

Toph smiled, "Alright, Snoozles, come on out." She stomped her foot and Sokka shot out of the hole he had been stuck in.

"I hope you learned your lesson." Katara had been wearing her I-can't-believe-you're-actually-that-stupid-face the entire time he was in there. Hers wasn't quite as emasculating as Toph's, but it was still effective.

"You guys have to cut me some slack, though, because Toph was right," he grabbed her into a headlock and gave her a noogie, "there really is no other girl like her." He let go of her and saw that her cheeks were turning red. _Oh crap, she's getting mad again. Don't push it, you idiot!_

Now that he was free, Sokka went back to inspecting the device attached to the wall. Katara put a hand on his shoulder, "Sokka, you shouldn't go messing around with strange inventions again. After that incident at the palace, you're lucky you're not 'scar buddies' with Zuko now."

"Hey, that was a heating system, this is a cooling system. Much safer. It seems to store ice in here and pump the cold air in between the two layers of the stone walls."

"Okay, then you'll _freeze_ your face off, just quit it."

Aang piped up, "Sokka, if you just be patient, we can visit Teo's new workshop here. That thing's more advanced than a teapot, so odds are he or his dad invented the damn thing."

Katara put her hands on her hips, "Aang, we can't rely on promises of outings to make him behave."

"I've just found that positive incentives work better on him than punishment."

"Aaaaang, we need to be consistent with him!"

Sokka was grinning, "If we go to Teo's shop, can we take home one of their new gadgets?"

Aang ruffled Sokka's hair, "Sure we can, buddy."

"Woo-hoo!"

Katara rolled her eyes, "if you buy him another toy, he's just going to forget about it in a month like all his other ones."

* * *

"Lord Zuko, we have arrived"

_Finally_

Zuko stepped out of the palanquin and observed the hotel. It had obviously been built with emissaries and tourists from the Earth Kingdom in mind. He was starting to see culture mixing like that all over Capital City. Stands selling authentic Water Tribe seal jerky, new buildings being made out of stone instead of wood (which he was considering restricting, stone wasn't the ideal building material on a volcanic island prone to earthquakes), and even Air Nomad aesthetics and philosophies were being brought back into fashion by people who called themselves "air acolytes." The hotel was one story tall (Earth Kingdom people like to stay close to the earth). To his right he could see two different stables, the closest of which was packed extra-closely with ostrich-horses, so he assumed the second had been entirely taken over by Appa.

He turned around to address his palanquin bearers, "go back to the palace, I probably won't be leaving here for the rest of the night."

He turned around and entered the lobby of the hotel, and was greeted by a manager.

"My Lord, I hate to delay you, but some members of the Avatar's party assured us that payment for their stay would be covered by the royal treasury." He handed Zuko a list of expenditures.

Zuko suspected he knew exactly _which_ members of Aang's team had told the manager this. He looked down at the list and read it.

Then he read it again to make sure he wasn't crazy.

To keep himself from accidentally lighting the piece of paper on fire, Zuko took in a long, deep breath, and slowly exhaled, failing to keep steam coming out of his nostrils.

"Would you please tell me which room the Avatar is staying in?"

* * *

Toph sat up, "Zuko's here!" then there was a rather loud knock on the door.

In a second, Aang had flown through the room on his air scooter and threw open the door, "Welcome, Firelord Hotman!"

Zuko had long since given up trying to stop Aang from calling him that, "One second, Aang," he pushed past the monk and strode toward Toph and Sokka.

"Hey Sparky," Toph said with a grin, "how's it going?"

"How's it going?" Zuko repeated much louder, "I was just handed _this_!"

"Just handed _WHAT!?_ What is wrong with you people, do I have to wear a blindfold all the time to get the point across?"

Sokka leaned in and mumbled out the corner of his mouth, "It's, uh, it's a list of expenses, Toph."

Toph's angry look was wiped off her face and replaced with one of worried understanding. "Oh."

"Yeah, _Oh._" Zuko held up the paper and cleared his throat, "5 pounds of lobster-urchin, 6 hippocow steaks, 9 bags of seal jerky—Sokka, even for you, that's too much meat."

"You underestimate my power, mortal."

"Oh, and here's a charge for a replacement sink, shower, and bath after Toph apparently metalbended them into twisted junk."

"Katara was trying to _wash_ me, Zuko, the Ice Witch had to be stopped!"

Katara came up to Zuko's side to join the attack, "Toph, I could smell you in _the next room_."

Zuko went down the list, "Not to mention several bottles of top shelf sake, much of the gardens destroyed in a spar you thought was necessary to have, and—" He had to stop to groan and roll his eyes, "you had your underwear _drycleaned!?_"

"Feels good!"

"A lady's garments must be handled with great care, Zuko," Toph said with false femininity.

"Aw, come on, Zukes," Sokka said in a far too friendly voice, "can't you at least see that your friends are taken care of after you deem them unworthy to stay in your fancy palace?"

Zuko stood his ground and pointed a finger at Sokka, "Hey, you're lucky I'm letting you two back into the city at all. Your last visit resulted in a city-wide cabbage shortage that lasted over a month."

Zuko wasn't amused to see that Sokka and Toph didn't feel guilty about this memory, but instead chose to crack up laughing and high-five each other.

Then a thought occurred to him that made him even angrier, "Why are you giving me the bill anyway, as if you're two vagabonds? Toph, you're filthy rich."

Toph's laughter stopped in its tracks. She crossed her arms and Zuko could have sworn the the ground started to tremble. "No, I'm not. My _parents_ are."

Zuko got looks from the other three that all said _drop the subject if you value the use of your limbs_. "Whatever you say, Toph. Just try to not leave me to rebuild half of the city when you leave."

"We'll do our best, your Lord Hotpants," she said with her smile back.

A whip of water smacked across both Toph and Sokka's heads. "OW! Katara, what the—"

"Go easy on Zuko. He's got enough to worry about without taking care of you two like a couple of children." Katara at first was willing to let them poke fun at Zuko, but now that she got a better look at him, she became genuinely worried about him. Mai had said that he was running himself ragged at these diplomatic meetings, but she never would have guessed _this_ ragged. His golden eyes had bags under them, he looked slightly unshaven, his ponytail was lopsided and his hair even looked like it hadn't been washed in a few days. He looked completely out of place in his regal firelord robes. Katara had thought that Mai's news would have lifted his spirits, but she could still see the vein in his head twitching, like he was a ball of nerves ready to burst.

Sokka leaned in close to Toph and whispered with a grin, "Oh, he's got a lot to worry about, alright. How long do you think until he explodes?"

"Can't be long now, his heart was racing when he walked in and it's only sped up now that he doesn't have us to distract him."

Zuko turned to Katara and tried to act composed, "Um, speaking of that, thank you Katara, for assisting Mai in…that matter earlier today."

Aang leaned in to join Sokka and Toph, "tick…tick…tick…tick…"

Zuko couldn't handle it any it anymore. He grabbed Katara by the shoulders and practically yelled in her face, "_KATARAICAN'THANDLETHIS!"_

Katara recoiled back, "_Zuko!_" as he slumped into an armchair with his face in his hands.

"_BOOM!_" Aang finished as the three of them laughed. He went over to Zuko and put a hand on his shoulder, "Cheer up, Sifu Hotman, you're going to make a great dad."

Zuko's face shot up to look at Aang with his mouth gaping open, and then turned to face Katara with an accusing scowl. Katara looked just as shocked as he was and she raised her hands defensively, "Zuko, I swear I told no one."

"Yeah, she really didn't have to. Come on, Mai sends for Katara's help on a healing matter, even though she's not sick, and then Katara comes back as excited and giddy as Sokka on cactus juice. There's really only one thing that makes Katara that happy, so there were two possibilities: either Mai was pregnant, or Katara was."

Sokka shut his eyes and clamped his hands over his ears, "Gaaaaaah! No, no, that is _not_ a possibility!"

Katara rolled her eyes, "Sokka, I'm nineteen, the same age Mom was when she was pregnant with you. But anyway, Zuko, Aang's right, we all believe in you. Honestly, what's the worst that could happen?"

Zuko repeated the question slowly, "…What's the worst that could happen? What _couldn't_ happen, Katara? Have you noticed a particular trend in my family life? What if it hates me, like I do my father? What if it's born inherently evil, like Azula?" He grabbed the sides of his head as his eyes became more and more panicked, "What if it dies like Lu Ten and I'm completely destroyed like Uncle was, or what if there's something about fatherhood that turns the men in my family into genocidal, face-burning, monsters? Before you know it I'm going to be blasting fireballs at bald kids while wearing an impractically long goatee—" Katara slapped him hard across the face"—Thank you."

Sokka stood up and took his turn with Zuko, "Your kid is going to love you. You don't have to worry about that."

"You sure?"

"Of course I'm sure. It's pretty impossible to make a child not love you. You see, children are idiots."

Katara looked as if Sokka had just said the most offensive and ridiculous thing she had ever heard, "_Sokka_, children are beautiful and bring joy to every parent that has one."

"Sis, they're little balls of destruction that you have to make sure get fed and don't kill themselves. But the point is, Zuko, every kid sees their dad as the king of the universe, and anything you do, no matter how stupid, is going to be the right thing to do in the kid's eyes."

Zuko wasn't sure if this made him feel better or not, "Um…thanks…I guess."

"Now, when the kid becomes a teenager, on the other hand, _that's _when you're polar bear-dog chow."

Aang clenched his teeth and growled at Sokka, "That's. Not. Helping."

"Hey, it's not his fault, he doesn't know how to raise one because he never got to be one. He spent his teen years either getting beaten up by you—"

"—I wasn't getting _beaten up_ by him, Sokka—"

"—And then after we won he's been working his firey backside off." He wrapped an arm around Zuko's shoulder, "But don't worry, Zukes, your buddy Sokka will fix all that."

"Oh, joy," Zuko said in his best impression of Mai.

"Hey, are you forgetting why you came here in the first place? You're getting married in three days, pal, and that means Aang and I are going to show you the best time this city of yours has to offer. Well, _I'll_ show you a good time, because Aang is, ya know, Aang."

"Hey!" the monk objected

"And we'll catch up on all the meaningless, time-wasting nonsense and bad decisions that you missed out on by being all responsible and junk."

_Well, I at least agree that this is a waste of time_. "I'm….pretty sure that I made my fair share of bad decisions in my life, Sokka."

"Yeah, yeah, but not the kind you'll face when parenting. I doubt your kid will reach siding-with-psychopath-sister-and-nearly-killing-t he-world's-last-hope-for-peace levels of screw-ups."

Katara supposed that it was her time to leave, "Well, I guess I'll head up to the palace to join Mai." She turned and smiled at Aang and pulled him in for a tight hug, "I know Sokka is talking all big, but try to keep him reigned in, will you?"

Aang looked into her blue eyes and said, "Katara, I swear on my arrow, I give you my promise as the Avatar that we will not be getting in any serious trouble tonight," and gave her a quick peck on the lips. She, not satisfied, pulled him in for a much deeper kiss while Sokka and Toph made exaggerated gagging gestures."

Katara finally let him go, "Okay, we'll leave you boys to do stupid boyish things. Come on, Toph."

Toph sat back down on the floor with her arms crossed, "No thank you. There's no way I'm spending my night drinking tea and listening to Circus Freak talk about every boy on Kyoshi Island. I'm going out with Aang, Sokka, and Zuko."

Aang nervously scratched the back of his head, "Uh…you know we'd love for you to come along, Toph, but this is traditionally an all-male occasion—"

"Listen, Twinkle Toes, I'm going to be wearing _pink_ at this stupid wedding of Zuko's, so the universe damn well owes me this."

"Well, it's just that it might not be appropriate—"

"_Pink._"

"You probably won't enjoy yourself—"

"_PINK!_"

"Mai is probably expecting you—"

**_"PINK, Twinkle Toes! PINK!"_**

"Toph, why do you care? You don't even know what pink is!"

"I know that Ty Lee likes it and wears it all the time, and that's all I need to know."

This brought a laugh to Zuko, the first one they had seen since he got there, "It's fine, Aang, I'd like for her to come along. Besides, it's not like she's a real g—"

"You don't want to finish that sentence, Zuko," Sokka cut in, "trust me."

Since Toph had been the one to finally cheer Zuko up, Katara had no choice but to relent, "Alright, fine, we'll have all our nice lady-like fun without you, Miss Bandit. I'll see you guys tomorrow." She turned around and headed for the door. Aang watched her leave with a look on his face that made him look twelve again. He never got tired of the sight of Katara walking away. It was almost as good as the sight of her walking towards him.

"Um…hello? Earth to Aang?" Aang shook his head and turned to Zuko, "Huh?"

Sokka slapped his forehead, "Good Yue, some _monk_ you are."

"Aang, I was just asking you how we're supposed to leave this hotel at all, being the Avatar and the Firelord and all.

"Same way we did at the play, with disguises. I've got my old hat and headband, and I doubt anyone will recognize you with common clothes and your hair down.

Toph went in one bedroom and the boys went in the other to change.

"You should count yourself lucky, Zuko," Aang said in his usual unnaturally cheerful voice.

"Really, and why is that?"

"I'm jealous. You know how much I've always wanted kids. I'd want to have kids even if I didn't technically have to. I can't wait to start a family."

Sokka's eyes narrowed, "You can and you will, if you know what's good for you, lover boy."

Zuko snorted, "said the boomerang guy in an attempt to sound intimidating to the Avatar."

Sokka decided that now was a good chance. He left Zuko and Aang to keep discussing babies like a couple of schoolgirls and slipped out of the bedroom. He cross the common room to Toph's bedroom and knocked on her door.

"Pssst! Toph! You ready?"

Toph opened the door and Sokka saw she was already dressed in her old Fire Nation disguise, complete with the soulless shoes and tiara, "Are you sure this is absolutely necessary, Snoozles?"

"Oh come on, you know that Zuko isn't going to be willing to have more than one cup of sake, so we need to make that one cup count." He reached into his pocket and brought out something he had been saving for a special occasion: a small bottle of cactus juice, "Remember, just a few drops. That will loosen Zuko up enough so that he can relax for one night and stop thinking about impending doom." He closed the door.

Toph dug around in her bag and pulled out the bottle of sake that they were going to be sharing that night. She uncorked the top, set it down on the floor and sat down next to it. Then she undid the top of the bottle of cactus juice and very carefully started to tilt it over the sake bottle. _Remember, just a few drops_. She stuck her tongue out and tried to steady her hand.

"Hey Toph!" Aang called in with a bang on the door, "You ready yet? Ya see, this is why there's a strict No Girls Allowed policy at these things."

Toph jumped and fumbled the bottle. She managed to get a grip on it again, but it took a second for her to realize that it was _upside down._ By the time she realized her mistake, over half of the bottle of cactus juice had been emptied into the bottle of sake.

"Calm down, Twinkle Toes!" _Crap. Crapcrapcrapcrap._ Should she throw the bottle out? No, that would kill the night before it started. It would be possible for them to buy another one, but she couldn't think of an explanation to tell them about what happened to this one. She couldn't tell them the truth, if Zuko and Aang knew she and Sokka were trying to drug them they'd never go out with them again.

_Ah, screw it._ She capped the bottle of sake and stood back up. After all, if a few drops made Zuko have fun, then _logically_ a few more drops will make him have even more fun. The corner of her mouth raised in a small mischievous smile. _And besides, if Sokka gets tipsy enough then maybe he'll—STOP IT_ she scolded herself _you got over that a long time ago._

She exited the room and was greeted by an impatient Aang, "Finally, I've never seen you take that long to get ready for anything."

Across the room, Sokka quickly shuffled his left foot side to side once. Over the years, they had developed something like their own language to replace facial expressions with things she could more easily "see," and this motion was their version of a wink.

Zuko sighed, "Well, if we're all ready, we might as well get this over—"

He was interrupted by a knock at the front door. He walked over, answered it, and was greeted by quite possibly the very last person he either expected to see or _wanted_ to see, Earth King Kuei.

"Oh, Firelord Zuko. I'm looking for Avatar Aang, I didn't expect to see you here."

"Um…likewise."

Kuei was wearing the same disguise that he had used after the fall of Ba Sing Se to travel the world. Aang also looked confused, but maintained his manners, "What can I help you with, your highness?"

Kuei reached into a bag and produced a scroll, "I have the scroll on theories of government you requested from the University of Ba Sing Se. I hope the past helps us find a possibility for the Fire Nation colonies' future. I also have schematics of the workings of the city's train system for your water tribe companion."

Katara pinched the bridge of her nose, "Sokka, do I _want_ to know what hairbrained scheme of yours could possibly involve that?"

"It's not _hairbrained,_ I thought that if we could modify it to operate by waterbending instead of earthbending, we could use it to connect the different villages in the Southern Tribe."

Aang still looked skeptical, "These are highly appreciated, your highness, but why did you deliver these yourself?"

"Oh, I now take every opportunity to leave my royal precession and see how the common people live, in any nation. I have a lot to make up for after never seeing the outside of my own house until a few years ago."

Zuko was pleased to see that the Earth King's usual annoyingly bright and naive face became slightly more solemn as he remembered the price of his past incompetence.

"It's usually not a problem, as long as I wear this disguise," Kuei observed the group in their own disguises, "I see you have the same idea."

"Uh…yeah," Zuko said awkwardly. He really didn't want to get into the meaningless pleasantries that this subject would bring, "we were just heading out."

"Ah yes, of course, congratulations on your impending nuptials, Lord Zuko—" _Crap. Pleasantries._ "—I take it tonight would be your tiger-stag party?"

"Oh no, nothing that crazy," Aang said with a laugh, "just a gopher-stag party."

Sokka discreetly nudged Toph and whispered, "Not thanks to us. It will be more like a bear-stag party."

Toph chuckled nervously. _More likely a lionturtle-stag party._

And then Zuko heard Aang say something so indescribably evil that Azula would have applauded, "Would you like to join us, Your Earthiness?"

One of these days, Zuko really was going to snap and strangle the bald menace.

"An excellent idea!" Kuei said, oblivious to the hate being directed his way, "I think the three of us getting to know each other in a more social environment will help prevent incidents like the colonies crisis from happening again."

He turned around and headed out to the hotel's courtyard and was followed by Toph and Sokka. Zuko stayed behind and grabbed Aang by the collar.

"What the _hell_ was that?" Zuko asked through clenched teeth.

"What?" Aang asked, genuinely confused.

"How can you invite King Bearlover? You really want to be stuck with him the rest of the night?"

"I…honestly didn't realize you had a problem with him, Zuko. I'm sorry."

"I honestly don't see how inviting him would even occur to you. Is there _anyone_ in this world that makes you want to punch them in the face?"

Aang scratched his head, trying to think of someone who fit that description, "Not really. I pretty much like everybody. Look, we'll have a few cups of sake with him in the courtyard, then we'll hit the town without him. He's probably missing Bosco by now anyway."

"…Fine."

They went out to the courtyard and Aang saw Sokka eagerly pouring sake into five different cups, and Toph biting her nails with a worried look on her face.

"Um, Toph? Are you okay?"

Toph jumped at the mention of her name, "Sure I'm okay why wouldn't I be okay I'm the definition of okay I'm the queen of okay I just wanna get going we're gonna have so much fun tonight haha."

There was an awkward silence as everyone stopped to stare at her. Finally Sokka broke it, "oooookaaaaay, you need a drink."

He passed out the cups and raised his in a toast, "To Zuko, Mai, the upcoming snoozfest of their wedding, family, friends, and a night we'll always remember."

"Here here!" Aang agreed, and they all downed their cups.

* * *

**So FINALLY all the exposition and buildup is established, and we're ready to start the main plot. I'm gonna take extra care of the next scene, so the next update might take several days. **

**I'm worried that so far I've made this pretty much the Sokka and Toph Show. When trying to recreate the humor from the show, I noticed something. While most of Sokka and Toph's humor is dialogue based, a lot of Aang's comedy is visual, either with facial expressions or slapstick. So I've been having trouble figuring out what to do with him when moving from a visual medium to text. Let me know if this become a problem.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Avatar: The Last Airbender and all its characters are the property of Nickelodeon and Viacom**

* * *

**Chapter 2: The Awakening**

The first thing Aang was aware of was that everything hurt. Like, _literally_ everything. He hadn't previously thought that it was possible for every part of one's body to be in pain at once, but right now he wanted to crawl into another iceberg just to numb it. _Did I get struck by lightning again?_ He realized that he was lying on a stone floor, with a blanket covering his entire body, even his head. _I'm back in the hotel room. Wait…did I leave in the first place? Yeah, we went outside to drink sake and then…crap._ He tried to use earthbending to sense if the others were around him, but the effort just made his headache worse. He thought he heard footsteps, very light footsteps, walking past him towards the front door. _Is it worth sitting up?_ He did manage to open his eyes to see the blanket covering his face, but when he tried to move his limbs they just screamed back at him. _No. Definitely not._ He laid there and accepted that he probably would stay like that for the rest of his life.

The first thing Zuko was aware of was that he was wet. But as he gained more and more consciousness, he realized it wasn't just with water. _I'm sweating_. That was weird. Zuko almost never sweated. He was a firebender after all; he could stand almost any kind of heat. He also became aware that both the inside and outside of his head were throbbing in pain, like he had both a migraine and a wolfcat scratching at his scalp. He had no idea what happened, where he was or how he got there, but there was one coherent thought going through his brain, _I'm going to kill Sokka._

Toph was aware of absolutely nothing at all. She was sleeping more soundly than she ever had in her life.

The first thing Sokka was aware of was that, apart from the splitting headache, he was unbelievably comfortable. He was lying on a bed, and on top of him was something made of smooth skin and soft hair. _Ah, my old polarbeardog skin blanket._ He smiled and settled back in to sleep this headache off. _Wait…my blanket's back home._ I'm in Capital City. He opened his eyes and discovered that he was back in the bedroom of the hotel suite. He turned his head to the side and saw a nightstand with hair ties and a hair brush on it. _That's weird. Katara said that Suki wasn't in the city_.

His eyes widened as a horrible thought struck him and his breathing stopped. _No. Nonononononono, there's no way I'm that stupid._

He slow turned his head to look down to see what was lying on top of him, and was greeted by a wild mass of jet black hair. He let out a—he was ashamed to say—very unmanly yelp and reflexively threw Toph off of him and practically flew out of the bed, landing hard on his back on the stone floor.

Toph bolted upright, "Wha? What the—Owwww…" She was cut off by her splitting headache and put her face in her hands. _Nice going, Toph_

She couldn't see since she was in the bed, and she _really_ didn't feel like standing up, "Who's there? What happened last night?

Sokka stood completely frozen. He could come up with elaborate battle strategies in the blink of an eye, but he had absolutely no idea how he was going to get out of this. _This is bad. This is really really bad. How the hell am I going to make things right with Suki now? Or hell, what the hell have I done to my friendship with Toph? She's probably already come up with a dozen ways to kill me!_

_Calm down!_ The more rational part of his brain told him, _Nothing happened. She just got cold during the night. She did that countless times during the War._

_But it's the middle of summer! It's a million degrees outside!_

_Well yeah, but Toph always did get cold really easily_

Sokka felt like he had to say something sooner or later, "I don't really know either, Toph."

"…Sokka?" Toph froze as she realized who she was talking to, and where he had been a few minutes earlier. Her face started to become red.

_Oh shit,_ Sokka thought, his rational brain losing power, _she's getting pissed. _He turned and half walked half fled out of the room, and promptly tripped over something lumpy on the floor.

"Ow!" The lump groaned in a pained voice. Sokka turned around to see the mighty Avatar, the savior of the world, crawling out from under a blanket like a wounded puppy.

Sokka was speechless for a moment as he looked at Aang's shirtless torso. His entire upper body was covered in bruises and scratches, all overshadowed by a downright beautiful black eye, "Yue and La, Aang, what happened to your face?"

Aang finally was able to focus on Sokka, and quickly took on a look of confusion, "My face? What happened to _your _face?"

Sokka's hands shot to his face to be greeted by an messy mass of hair. He attempted to pull it off, but it seemed to be glued to his face.

Aang chuckled, "Long time no see, _dad._"

"_THIS IS NOT FUNNY, YOUNG MAN!_"

This caused Aang's chuckle to turn into full on laughter as he collapsed back onto his back, clutching his belly, "Please, Sokka, please, it's too early and I'm really sore!"

Sokka stomped off to the bathroom to try to salvage what dignity he had left. He filled the wash basin up with water and started scrubbing his face.

Toph slowly worked up the courage to get out of the bed and exit the room. _Shit. How could I have messed this up this bad? I had one job! How am I supposed to explain a simple bottle of sake wiping our memories?_ She walked into the living room where Aang was still sitting, "How bad is it, Twinkle Toes?"

"It's…pretty bad," Aang understated. He surveyed the damage in the room. Every piece of furniture had been smashed or sliced up. The stone floor was uneven, with earthbended spikes rising up at random. The east wall, which was once covered in ornate paintings, was now a barren single piece of rock, the paintings shredded on the floor.

They heard Sokka call from the bathroom, "Uh, guys? This glue isn't washing off!"

"Glue?" Toph asked with a raised eyebrow.

Aang grinned, "He's got his Wang Fire beard back on."

Toph couldn't help but laugh, despite the fact that Sokka's current misery was her fault (or perhaps because of it), but after a few seconds the smile was wiped off her face, "Do you smell that?"

"Smell what?" Sokka had returned from the bathroom.

Aang sniffed the air, "…it smells like something's burning."

Slowly, all three heads turned towards the door to the other bedroom, and saw smoke creeping through the crack. They sprinted forward, kicked open the door, and saw what was left of the second bedroom.

Everything in the room was burnt to a crisp. The tables, the desk, the bed, the mattress, all were charred black, and the ashes seemed to radiate outward in a pattern, as if from an explosion at the center of the room. And lying face-down in the center of that explosion, was a sweaty, bruised, scratched, and naked as the day he was born, Zuko.

"Oh dear," Toph whispered. Since Zuko was lying on the floor, she could unfortunately sense every…_thing_ that was in contact with the stone.

Zuko sat up and pried his eyes open and focused on his three "friends," who all seemed to be trying not to laugh at him, "_What?_"

Aang put on a face of false formality, "a thousand apologies, Firelord Hotman, but you appear to be having a bad hair day."

Zuko's hand shot to his hair—or, rather, what was left of his hair. The front part of his head was covered in uneven patches, ranging from clean shaven to an inch long. The only part of his hair that was its original length from the night before was the back and center of his head. It looked like someone had tried to restore his hair to how it was back when he had been chasing them, but had apparently done it blindfolded and without a sharp razor.

Zuko suddenly became aware that his hair wasn't the only part of his body uncovered, "Um…guys, where are my clothes?"

Sokka had no room for sympathy at the moment, "Zuko, that's question number, like, seven. We're still on question one."

Zuko walked past them into the living room and, commandeered Sokka's spare set of Fire Nation clothes. He paused as he heard a scratching sound coming from inside the giant piece of stone that was east wall. _Great, on top of everything we slept in a place with lizardrats last night. And I was on the floor._

Aang noticed some squeaks coming from a corner of the room and saw a shape thrashing about underneath a blanket, "Oh there's Momo. Hang on, buddy, I'll let you out." Aang lifted up the blanket to let the thrashing lump out, and let out a loud shriek.

The others turned to see Aang shielding his face from a hogchicken that was flying around him, trying to peck at his most vulnerable parts, "Whoa, whoa, stop! Ow! I'm your friend! It's my duty as the Avatar to achieve harmony with nature!" He pointed at Sokka, "I don't even eat meat! Attack _him_!"

Sokka crossed his arms, "Gee, thanks, Aang, I thought it would take a lot more than viscous lunchmeat for you to sell me out."

As the bird finally calmed down, Aang's eyes went wide, "But wait…now that I think about it, if Momo isn't there, where is he? Here Momo, where are you, buddy?" He started searching the suite for the lemur.

Zuko's eyes went even wider, "Aang, forget Momo. Where's the Earth King?"

Everyone stopped what they were doing as they suddenly remembered that Kuei existed.

"Shouldn't he be back at the palace right now?" Sokka asked, "I mean, it's not like he stayed with us all night and came back here, did he?"

"Do we _know_ that?" Zuko was starting to panic again, "Sokka, I'm not like you, I don't lose control of my faculties on a frequent basis."

"Hey, it's not _frequent._"

"Things are still tense between the Earth Kingdom and Fire Nation. If something happened to the Earth King in the middle of the Fire Nation Capital, _while in the Fire Lord's personal company?_ Why would the Earth Kingdom take that any way other than _incredibly badly? _With mister I-like-everyone here," he motioned to Aang, "You have no idea how many times he invited the Earth Idiot with us!"

Aang, since he _apparently_ had to be the calm one of the group, ignored the snide remark and put a reassuring hand on Zuko's shoulder, "Calm down, Sifu. Sokka's right. If we just keep a calm head and head back to palace, I'm sure everything will work out fi—_EECK!_"

Everyone turned to follow Aang's bulging eyes and saw the airbender's glider over by the door—or at least, what was left of it. Aang blasted himself across the room, adding one more level of destruction, and clutched the splintered halves of his glider like a sick child.

"Okay, can we start freaking out now?" Sokka begged.

Using all his willpower, Aang took in one deep breath and the panic faded from his eyes, "No, we can't. Like I said, everything will be fine. I was growing out of this glider anyway. Come on, let's go out front and ask around. I bet they saw Kuei parting ways with us as we left here tonight."

After completing their incognito outfits, the four of them filed out of the suite and made their way to the lobby.

Toph was finding that her senses were a little blurred and her legs were wobbly. _What the hell? I've earthbended mountains and I haven't felt this tired._ If she did something stupid last night and had forever messed up her feet, she wouldn't be able to stand it. Speaking of stupid, how much of an idiot had she made herself in front of Sokka, curling up next to him like some kind of sick puppycub? _Then again, maybe he still buys that story about being cold in the summer._

When got out into the lobby, the manager was sitting behind a desk looking over some papers. Zuko cleared his throat, the manager looked up, and failed to hide the shock on his face. His eyes quickly darted from Zuko's head to Sokka's beard to Aang's eye.

"M—My Lord, what—"

"You will be asking no questions, only answering them," Zuko said with zero patience, "Last night, shortly after I arrived, did you see a man with long braided hair, a long face, nose bridge glasses, a stupid hat, and who probably mentioned a bear for no good reason?"

"Um…yes, My Lord, he was carrying two scrolls, he said they were urgent messages for the Avatar," he turned to Aang, "My apologies, did you not receive—"

"I said you were to ask no questions! Did you see him leave again?"

"Well…yes. I saw your friend accompany you to the courtyard, and then I saw him leaving with you out into the city."

Zuko wasn't sure if he felt more confused or insulted, "My _friend_? Left _with_ us?"

The manager looked terrified by now, "Oh, a thousand apologies if I misunderstood, my Lord, it was simply what I guessed from his and your mannerisms last night."

"Have you seen him since? Did you see him leave again?"

"No, sire, I have been here since before dawn, and no one has walked in or out."

Zuko turned back to his friends, trying to maintain an air of dignity and authority in front of his subject, and not completely succeeding, "Well that's just fantastic. We must have lost him sometime during the night!"

"Why do you always jump to the worst possible conclusion, Hothead?" Toph asked, attempting to roll her eyes, "He could have just left before this guy's shift started to go do important earthy things, or maybe he split off from us last night to go back to the palace. He is a grown man, remember, he can take care of himself."

"Could have fooled me," Zuko grumbled.

Sokka thought for a second, "Didn't he get lost once in his own garden?"

Toph thought for a split second, then punched Sokka in the gut, rather than in the _other_ area she had considered. "THAT'S. NOT. HELPING," she said through clenched teeth.

Aang followed Toph's lead, "I'm sure that's what happened, Zuko. Come on, we'll go get Appa, fly back to the palace, find Kuei, and put this whole thing behind us."

Eager to get out of this accursed building, Zuko followed them outside. Once they were out in the street, they could see an unusually large number of people out and about for this early in the morning, and they all seemed to be at work preparing for some event. People were putting up festive red and orange banners sporting the characters for happiness, good luck, and celebration, food venders were opening their stalls, and even some street performers were claiming their spots. This was odd, because Zuko couldn't think of any holiday that was taking place or even remotely coming up. _Must be a local thing to this neighborhood. Or hell, maybe they just want to have fun for no reason. They should enjoy the fact that _they_ can._

He focused again at the task at hand and followed Aang to the stable where they were keeping Appa. Aang grabbed hold of one of the large doors, pried it open, and they all jumped back from the stench that greeted their nostrils.

"APPA!" Aang shrieked, "What happened,buddy?"

Appa was on the opposite side of the barn, lying on his side, groaning in what appeared to be pain. Next to him was a large puddle of vomit, which was causing the stink.

Aang immediately started inspecting every inch of the beast. "Well, he doesn't have a fever," he said, putting his hand on Appa's cold and wet nose. He put his ear to the bison's stomach, "his stomach sounds like it's at war with itself, though. I think he must have eaten something bad for him last night."

Sokka's eyes went wide, "Oh shit, we _flew_ on him last night? It's a miracle none of us thought we were birds and jumped off."

"Wait, sake doesn't make you do stuff like that. It's not hallucinogenic," Zuko said, confused.

Sokka flushed red, "Oh yeah…but, still, it wasn't a good idea for us to have been flying last night." He swept his right toe in a circle, which in his and Toph's foot language meant, "help me."

"Uh, yeah," Toph chimed in, "and since we can't remember anything, we might have accidentally been exposed to something else last night. That might be what made Appa sick."

Satisfied, Zuko turned back to Aang, "I guess we'll have to walk back."

Aang was only barely listening, "You guys go without me, I need to stay here with Appa."

Zuko spoke with a surprising amount of patience. He was genuinely concerned for Appa, but also genuinely afraid at this point, "Aang, if something _did_ happen to Kuei last night…I may need the Avatar there to keep things under control. Besides, if it is something he got into, then there's nothing you can do but wait for it to pass through him."

"…Alright."

They made sure Appa was comfortable, then left the stable to be greeted by the manager running towards them with a scroll in his hand, "Pardon me, sire, but an urgent hawk just arrived from the palace for you."

Zuko impatiently snatched the piece of paper and opened it.

"What does it say?" Toph asked.

"The first part is about Mai. She wants to see me immediately, apparently, but I've got to deal with this first. Then it…" All the color drained from his face, "It's about one of the Earth King's generals. They found his body. He's been murdered."

* * *

**I suppose now would be a good time to cite the YouTube video that inspired this fic in the first place: watch?v=DPRkFeSrQqg**

**After seeing this recut trailer and also the Psych episode "Last Night Gus," I'm convinced that every single show on television should have one "hangover episode," no matter what genre it is.**

**And yeah, I'm adding some Toph and Sokka drama and jokes, but I don't think I'm gonna label it a "Tokka story" because the combining of names to label pairings annoys me and always sounds weird. Tokka sounds like a pacific island tribe, Kataang is a comic book sound effect, Taang is a powdered drink from the 90s, and I'm pretty sure Zutara fought Godzilla at one point.**

**This took a while because I had to outline the whole story before publishing this chapter so I can make sure I set up all the different storylines properly. I'll make no promises for when the next one will be up because I know that will just jinx it. **

**Please tell me in what specific ways my writing sucks so I can make it better.**


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